Many times children cry and seek the comfort of their parents. They need to feel supported and understood to begin to understand their emotions. However, there are times when parents think that their children’s crying is manipulation and can even be unpleasant. In fact, their crying is touching because they need to show you their emotional state, and you are there to teach them to understand those intense feelings.
Be that as it may, it is natural that sometimes you feel a certain irritation from a child’s crying, especially when it is continuous or when you are busy. But if a child cries a lot and a lot, you will have to ask yourself what is happening to him. You should feel your child’s crying as an emotional resource that he uses so that you understand that he has an intense feeling to deal with, but it is in no way a form of manipulation towards you.
Decipher the emotional crying
As a father or mother, the time has come for you to decipher your child’s emotional crying, to distinguish which are the tears of pain, hunger, or discomfort. If you are one of the parents who do not allow your baby to cry for a long time because he needs you to hug him to comfort him or if you have a small child (from 3 years old, for example) and you allow him space to calm his emotions because he needs to understand them through crying is very positive, without a doubt!
But, it is possible that any day when crying is a constant, and your child cries for reasons unrelated to their basic needs, it gives you anxiety or concern. You may even feel frustrated and impatient to shut up as soon as possible. You do not have to feel that their crying is annoying, and much less do you have to say things like: “Stop crying”, “Don’t cry”, “Don’t be a baby,” or “Stop crying!”
Although these phrases seem like a quick solution to stop crying and relieve your stress, in reality, they are phrases that will make you feel guilty, and also, your children may feel emotional pain because they will not feel understood or supported in moments of very intense feelings.
When you say these kinds of phrases to your children, you will be repressing their emotions and therefore, you will be harming their emotional learning process … Their crying is not a terrible or bad noise; it is simply a necessary resource to learn, to control emotions in a safe space to process it.
Use these phrases when your child cries
First, first of all, it is important that you control your own emotions and that you understand them in order to understand those of your children when they are crying. Allow your emotions to flow, and so do your child’s. When your child is feeling intense emotions, you will need to calm them with words of understanding and emotional support.
Next, we are going to give you some phrases that you can use with your children when they are crying. In this way, when you use them, you will be able to convey the message that he is being understood, that you are by his side, and that he can confidently show his emotions to learn to understand and manage them.
- I understand that you are upset, honey, let’s see what we can do to make you better.
- Honey, tell me in words what happens to you, what emotion do you feel? Let’s see what emotion you are feeling.
- I listen to you my life, tell me what’s wrong.
- It’s okay to feel angry (sad, upset, etc.) at times. Let’s see why you feel this way.
- I understand that you wanted “this” and that you feel “x.”
- Let’s take a break to breathe together and find calm. Then you will see that you will feel better.
- I understand that you need to be alone, but if you want us to talk, I’m here for whatever you need.
- Can I hug you, baby
- Never forget that I love you, I will always love you whatever happens.
- We are going to see what you feel, know what that emotion tells you, and find a solution so that you feel better.